Fears

I am afraid to give my whole heart.
I am afraid that I will not be good enough.
I am afraid that he will not be happy with me.
I am afraid to be hurt again.
I am afraid I will never be loved as much as I have loved.
I am afraid that I will never be able to love as much as I have loved again.
I am not afraid of being alone.
I am afraid of love because love hurts deeply, all the way to the core of my soul.
I am broken.

wpid-wp-1419136603679.jpeg They say that to have loved and lost is better than to never have loved. I can’t say I agree, nor can I say I disagree. I am unsure. I have loved. I loved so deeply; I gave my entire heart, my mind, body, and soul to him. All that I was welded together with all that he was. I ceased to exist. We existed. Everything became we. We were happy, content. We had all that we needed and that was enough.

wpid-wp-1419136686563.jpegThings changed over time and we faded away. I was lost in the darkness. I did not want for that. We were supposed to be we forever. My heart shattered, my mind spun, my body longed for his touch and my soul sunk into the darkness under the weight of the pain. I am afraid to love like that again. I am afraid that I am unable to love like that again. I don’t know if I can love anymore. My heart is heavy with knowledge of grief. Is it too heavy to beat for love? Am I broken beyond repair?

I am falling so deep in love and I am fighting it. I try to hide it. I am afraid to show it.

I am afraid of love.

~Mel

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Categories: Friendship, Love | Tags: ,

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