EVERYTHING

That’s the true answer.  When you asked the question, I lied and said NOTHING.  I lied to hide the pain.  I did not want you to see how much it hurt me.  I have always loved you.  I never once stopped.  I did what had to be done.  When I left you, I left you my heart.  I wanted to come back to it.  Things did not go as I had hoped they would go.  Perhaps it was you, perhaps it was me, perhaps it was both of us, perhaps it was interference. Would things have turned out any differently had I handled them differently?  I have no answers.  You were my forever love.  My one and only.  We were to grow old together.

You asked me what I would miss if I walked out that door and the truth is, I have missed everything and I would do anything to be able to change the way I did things.  Often times I wonder if you think about me.  I think about you.  I have searched for you, but you do not want to be found.  There are so many things I want to tell you, but you do not want to hear them.  Do I still hold your heart?  Have you never stopped loving me as I have never stopped loving you?  Do you remember our love?  When we first met?  When you first kissed me?  When you first said you think you love me?  The first time we shared our love together, the poetry you wrote me, the letters you sent to me, the day you got down on one knee and proposed, when I said yes, when we wed, when made babies, our home together, and every moment of joy in between?  I remember everything and it’s that everything that I have missed.

I will always love you.  I will always hope you are doing well.  I will always wish things had turned out differently, the way we planned on them turning out.  I want you to know that I never meant to break your heart and your heart is not the only one that broke that day.  Mine broke too.  I cannot change that which has been done.  What is done, is done and turning back the hands of time is not an option.  I need my heart back, so please release it.  I have finally found someone as worthy as you once were to hold it for me.  He is good to me, as you once were.  You would like him.  He keeps it real and only keeps real people around him.  He doesn’t focus on the irrelevant and has no need to bullshit.  Giving him my heart to hold does not mean you won’t still have a part of it.  It just means that it is time for my heart to move on and time for me to love once more.  I want you to get up and go out and love once more as well.  I want you to have the happiness, the peace, the love and the joy that you so deserve.  Someday, I will see you again and you will hear my words.  I don’t know when nor where, but someday it will be so.

You asked me what I would miss if I left.  I told you I would not miss a thing.  I lied.  The truth is, I have missed EVERYTHING.

~Mel

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