The purge is working. I am feeling much better and once again moving forward in my recovery.There is nothing left tugging at my hem, trying to trip me up. This is good. What makes it even better is the purge made space for real friends to return to my life.
I am back to making progress. I’m still wearing my boots. I am nowhere near tired yet. Progress has a way of giving me strength. Late last year, I attempted to contact an old friend. She was once my best friend. She was always there for me. I wrote about her on no more silence at Jigsy. It is not like me to turn my back on a true friend. I knew she was a true friend, but somehow, John managed to make me believe she wasn’t. I came to believe she was just using me to get to him. He told me that. He told me that she approached him and told him she wanted him all to herself. I believed it at the time. I’m not so sure I believe it now. Maybe he lied or maybe he told her a lie that got her to thinking that way. I do not know. What I do know is that it isn’t in my character to do the things I did to her while believing the things John had told me about her. As I learned with Missy and him being the root of the problem, I believe he is the root of the problem Megs and I had as well. After all, he was the problem causing the children to fight with each other, the children and I to fight and others to fight. It’s that drama that the Narcissist Sociopath is addicted to. They need the drama. Watching others fight and argue gives him the opportunity to rescue somebody. That makes him look good and he becomes important to the person he rescued. The person comes to trust and believe in him and feel that he is a true friend or boyfriend. It is not really rescuing when he was the creator of the situation in the first place. It is entrapment. It is a game. He does that a lot. He pits people together by whispering one thing in the person on the right’s ear and something else in the person on the left’s ear. I’ve written about that as well. Eventually, the parties do come back together and discuss those whispers. That is when the Narc experiences more exposure. I feel it will not be much longer before full exposure occurs. I must keep fighting until I reach my end goal. Full exposure is one of many goals on the way to the end goal.
I digressed. So, what I was saying about Megs is that she has always been a true friend. She was always there for me as I was for her. People talked a lot of trash about her and I never understood it. I never saw her the way they spoke about her. I defended her when I could. She was my friend and I wouldn’t let people degrade her. BAM! I understand it now. No, they weren’t right. They just didn’t know. They did not see her. When they looked at her, they saw what they were programmed to see by what they had heard. I never listened to rumor. That’s why I never saw what they saw. I only saw Megs. I never should have simply taken John at his word. Why did I do that? Normally, I confront the person and ask if it is true. There was something about our discussion that made me not approach her. Perhaps it is because he told me it would be useless, as she would just lie to me and say she never told him that. BAM. Had I approached her, she would have said that. No, she wouldn’t have been lying but he had already set it up to make me believe she would have. He planted that seed. It wouldn’t matter what she said. He already said it and got me to predetermine that it would’ve been a lie.
It looks like I just answered my own question. He lied to me to separate me from my only best friend I had left in this town. Now that I think about it even further, it was around the same time that he began sexually abusing Cynthia. Cynthia and Meg’s daughter, Jos, were best friends. They were almost inseparable. Most certainly she would’ve told Jos what he was doing had Jos been around. Damn. With Megs and I on the outs, Jos didn’t come around. Megs wasn’t bringing her to visit and no way in hell was I bringing Cynthia to visit Jos. Damn.
Guess who I talked to today. Megs. OMG we talked so much yet no way near enough. I have missed m best friend. We need like a whole week on an island with margaritas, pina coladas, and hot sexy men to look at while we catch up with what we’ve been doing. I know Megs has dealt with some major shit as I have. I did check up on her once in a while, but I couldn’t talk to her. It was good chatting with her. It was only on Facebook, but it was still good. As soon as she’s back in town, we will get caught up. I feel like she’s back already – and like I never really lost her.
Progress. More of John’s damages gorilla glued back together. I have no doubt that this one will be like the others have turned out – stronger than ever – so strong that nothing can ever break the bond again.
True friendship. Unconditional love. Love changes people. Today was an awesome day. Thank you, God. I needed that.