I know you don’t believe me when I say that I SEE you, but I do. I’d love to sit and chat the way we used to. I am not blind to your pain, you show it to me everyday. I can see it in your eyes and when I do, I feel it too. Your smile doesn’t hide it anymore. I have tried everything I know how to do. I haven’t had much guidance in the area of motherhood but I do know unconditional love. Nothing is as I had planned. In my mind, you were to have a beautiful life, a loving father, a close bond with your siblings, lots of family around you and the most magical holidays you could ever dream of. It started out that way. Then everything went wrong. I am sorry that things were not what they were meant to be. You deserve so much more. I cannot change the past but we can change the future. I need to know that you are OK. I need to know if I need to come find you.
You know how I am and you know if I don’t hear from you soon, I will start looking for you. Even just a FB message that says “I’m OK” from you will do. I’ll start putting slideshows up of you as a baby. Or perhaps, of your birth. No, I wouldn’t do that. That was a joke to make you go, “EWE”.. I made you a video. I love you Sunshine. You are my heart. When you hurt, I hurt. When you are happy, I am happy. Remember your dreams. Follow your dreams. I know you can do it. Please call me soon.
All of my love, unconditionally, forever and ever,
PS. I will take you video down if you call me and ask me to. I won’t even argue over it. ❤
I wrote you a letter the other day. I was saving it, but I will share it with you now. It is here.