I want to believe…

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That he loves me enough to sacrifice his happiness for the sake of mine and he is purposely pushing me away in hopes that my daughter and I could rebuild our relationship.

I can make up a half a dozen scenarios in which he is absolutely amazing.  I can also make up half a dozen where he is the complete opposite.  I was just a place holder, a throw-away, filling the void until Heather called him home and now he wants nothing to do with me.

I’m supposed to always remember that he loves me.

I don’t know what to think or do.  He won’t provide me any answers.

Yet, he angers if I make assumptions.

He told me never to contact him again.  He changed his number.  It hurt.  I’m a survivor.  I’m left to assume that which makes the most sense.

I wrote him a note:

Brian—

Hey there. I’m sorry. I had the wrong impression. Had I known I was just a THROW-AWAY simply filling the void until Heather whistled for you to get home; then I wouldn’t have thought we were a couple trying to live a life together. I wouldn’t have tried to get you to talk to me and tell me what was going on for so long. I wouldn’t have expected to be a priority and I wouldn’t have believed you when you said you loved me. No worries though! I know it now and I won’t let it happen again. You don’t have to worry about me. You’ll not see nor hear from me again.

I’m sorry I was foolish enough to believe we would be together and work hard at having a great long-lasting relationship. I’m sorry I believed you left because you loved me and thought you were no good for me and I was trying to get you to see that you were. You should’ve mentioned you were seeking a temporary relationship in your eHarmony profile.

It figures I’d fall in love with somebody who only needed me temporarily. I give up on love. It simply doesn’t exist for me.

Take care of yourself.

Melissa

I’m still stunned. I never seen it coming. I don’t know if he meant it when I told me never to contact him again or not.  If he’s just trying to be hard and is walking away for a reason other than not wanting to be with me or am I really to stay completely out of his life and if so then why?  I never cheated, lied, caused him harm, anything.  Why does he want me to not exist?  What did I ever do to him?  There’s just no reasoning behind it. It makes no sense and if something doesn’t make sense then the truth is missing from the something.  So, what is the truth?  I really really want to know the truth of the matter.  I cannot get closure nor move on without it.  I need Brian to answer the questions.  It’s important to me.  He refuses.  It’s unimportant to him.  I don’t know people.  Any and all advice is welcome.  Don’t be offended if I don’t take it.

Mel

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One thought on “I want to believe…

  1. Oh my god – he’s a narcissist. Telling him how you feel that he hurt you is causing him injury that’s why it’s pissing him off and that’s why he pushed you out. You caused him a huge injury and he didn’t like the negative attention you gave him. When he saw those tires though he wanted them because he knows that they’ll look good on his truck. He’s a narcissist that doesn’t like drama or crowds. He’s not a sociopath. why does everybody I find turn out to be a narcissist?

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