Nothing is Ever as it Seems

I am human.  I err.  We all do.  Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in what we are going through that we fail to see it’s a distraction meant to keep us from seeing something more important.  When we miss pieces of key evidence, we miss the truth of the matter.  Always trust that she knows what she is doing.  She always has done the right thing, even when it’s the hard thing to do.  Sometimes, you have to hurt people to protect them from something bigger – something greater than that.  I knew that wasn’t her that day.  I understand.

I recant my previous assessment of the situation – she has not turned – she has become a hero.  She has made the ultimate sacrifice.  I am proud of you.  You didn’t have to do what you did.  I will finish this.  That is my promise, Sunshine.

Categories: Adventure, Love | Tags: , ,

One Way Love

Before I even open my eyes, I call your name. I reach out to place my arm around you, my head on your chest to hear your heart beat. You don’t answer and I can’t feel you. You’re not there. I begin to open my eyes, slowly awake from a deep sleep and dreams of us. The memory hits me again; the memory of your leaving. The the hurt comes back harder than the day before. How long does heartbreak last? Can anything sooth the pain? Only you have been able to sooth the pain. You stopped loving me but I didn’t stop loving you. Then it hits me. This must be how he felt when I simply walked away from him. Then I suddenly understood the hatred. It isn’t hatred at all. It’s pain – the only kind of pain that comes from love which is not reciprocated but had been in the past. Now I see my future in him. Karma. This is my karma.


Categories: Adventure, Love, Tragedy | Tags: , , ,

The Broken

And so I picked up what's left of the broken pieces of
my soul and created a magnificent masterpiece and displayed
it for all the world to see the beauty in
The Broken.

The Broken live in an alternate reality. We see what the Unbroken cannot see.

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They see a black or white world; bad or good. We see all the shades of grey; bad and good together in everything. We see the Monsters wearing suits and the Angels wearing rags. They cannot see the Monsters. They cannot see the Angels. They are Unbroken. They have not crawled through the depths of hell and climbed their way up and out like We have.

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They have not been brought down to their knees and experienced excruciating agony; the kind that makes you pray for death. They have not taken the Road Less Traveled; been Persecuted; journeyed down the Long and Lonely, Narrow and Difficult Path that leads to their Faith; to meet God; to be saved by HIS Amazing Grace; to have their Pain and Suffering washed away; to be granted their Treasures Beyond Imagination; to receive their Purpose in Life’s Adventures.

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They travel the Wide Roads in Packs, through the Darkness, lost but Content, following those in front of them. They Fear the Unknown. They Fear Walking Alone, for they Mock and Persecute those who do. They only take a stand when the Pack takes a stand and when they stand, they stand for all the wrong reasons; they stand for selfish reasons; they stand with expectations of gaining something in return; arrogantly thinking that they are on their way to the lights shining down from heaven above. The light they see is not the glorious light of heaven, but the glow of the intense inferno burning deep in the depths of hell.

2015-06-01 08.57.49The Unbroken cannot see all of the world’s realities. The Unbroken live in ignorant bliss, blind to the harsh reality that they walk alongside and follow behind the Evil-Doers; the Monsters sent from Hell to keep them Living in the Darkness; to Trip them when they stand on the Path of Righteousness and Pull them back down into the Darkness to keep them from following the Path to all that’s Right and Just in this world.

John 1-9

2015-05-31 10.06.222015-03-30 19.08.23The Broken have faced the Monsters; Witnessed and Experienced first hand how truly Cruel and Evil the Monsters in man’s mask can be.  They’ve been Broken Beyond Repair by the Monster’s Evil Works; then finally, found Balance and Stood up as The Lone Warrior, Armed only with Truth and Knowledge and Surrounded by Heaven’s Light, against the Pack. The Truth and Knowledge granted at the end of their Journey to meet God provided them Strength and Power which the Unbroken could never Imagine nor Possess. Neither the Monsters nor the Unbroken can enter the Light shining down from Heaven.  The Broken Rose up Above the Darkness and the Monsters and defeated them in Glorious Victory.

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The Broken see everything the Unbroken cannot see for the Broken have lived and survived the Adventures down the long, lonely, narrow and dangerous path through the depths of hell and climbed their way out.  No one who hasn’t lived it could ever imagine it. If they cannot imagine it; then they cannot believe it. If they cannot believe it; then it cannot be true. If it cannot be true; then the Broken must be Insane. It is easier to believe that the Broken are Insane than it is to believe that there are Horrors in this world committed by Monsters wearing Masks of Men with whom they walk alongside for Company and follow from behind for Direction.

We, the Broken, Live in an Alternate Reality; See the Unseen; Know the Unknown; Hear the Unheard; Speak the Unspoken; Possess a Strength that the Unbroken could never Imagine nor Feel unless they become Broken.

Melissa Livingston
Surrounded by Heaven’s Light
March 23, 2015 – Published July 23, 2015

Categories: Adventure, Healing | Tags: , , , , , ,

Cuts Run Deep

Cuts run deep down to the core, the center of my being;

So deep, they run straight through my soul;

So deep, no words can soothe nor meds can hide;

So deep, where memories won’t fade and time won’t dull.

Never ending flooding of never forgotten memories;

Cuts run deep, leaving wounds that never heal;

Bleeding that never stops, pain that never ceases;

Unimaginably, excruciating pain that couldn’t be real.

Never ending, never fading, never healing,

Deep Cuts. Forever Pains. Unforgettable Memories.

Creep Up.  Tear Through My Soul.

Day after Day after Day after Day…


Mel Living, 2015

Categories: Adventure, Healing, Narcissistic Sociopath, Parenthood, Tragedy | Tags: , , ,

How Do You Do It

How do I do what?
How do you keep giving when all they do is take?
How do you keep trusting when all they do is betray?
How do you keep loving when all they do is hate?
I don’t know. I just do. I care. I believe.
What do you believe? That all of a sudden they’ll start caring just because you do?
No. I believe that they will start believing if they hear they are believed in more often than not.
That’s ridiculous. How do you expect them to hear it when they never even listen?
They hear it. They hear everything. How do think they got so broken? Would you stop living if all they ever did was die?
Of course not. Why would I stop living? I’m not miserable like they are.
Are you sure? To live is to give, to trust, to love, to care, and to believe. Without that, you’re dead inside. Where’s the joy in that?
Categories: Adventure, Life, Love | Tags: , , , , , ,

Fulfilling My Purpose


Not too long ago, I wrote about how I met God. I promise you I have not gone insane.  I this to be true due to the fact that I question my own sanity on a regular basis.  I wrote that I had been shown my purpose and that my purpose is to help guide others through their rough adventures in life when they are following a path I once followed.  My purpose partially explains why I had to suffer.  God knew I could handle it.  I didn’t even believe he existed.  I denied him, but he stayed with me regardless.  Everything I have experienced has given me another outlook on life, both the bad and the good times.  I have a new understanding now.  I understand that it is necessary for all of us to experience the bad things in life, the ugly which most people ignore on purpose.  It’s necessary so that we don’t take life for granted.  You do not appreciate things the same way that you do when you work hard for them.

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My purpose is to guide others in the direction they are meant to go and to show them how to protect themselves from the evil that exists in this world. I have not had to go out and look for people in trouble or advertise to get people that need help so that I could help them.  During my regular day, I simply run across the paths of those that need something.  My gut tells me that God has placed them there.  The gut never lies.  The gut is the soul and God speaks to us through our soul.  The knowledge I find that I have to guide them properly does not come from formal schooling, it comes from experience, from God, and from Grace.  Not the kind of Grace as in God’s Grace, but the person Grace, who is a fellow writer here.  When I first started blogging, I met her on another writers page, who seemed to be lost or confused about what is really right and what is really wrong in this world. He appears to enjoy living in blissful ignorance like most people do.  I don’t blame him or anyone else.  The ugliness of the world is hard to look at, let alone accept as the reality that it is.  It isn’t easy to do the right thing when the crowd is doing the wrong thing.

Not many people have what it takes to stand against the ugly as a lone soldier against the world.  Grace has it.  The Broken have it.  When I met Grace, I did something out of character for me.  I jumped in and spoke up when it appeared to me she was being chastised, or so you could call it that. I call it verbally assaulted but to each his own. I can’t really say out of character, as I’ve done that before, but that was in my childhood prior to the loss of my faith.  I don’t know if I helped Grace that day or if I’ve helped Grace since that day, but I do know that Grace helps me every day, whether she realizes it or not.

Hey Grace!

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Grace was running a Love and Compassion campaign at the time.  She asked her readers something like, “What if Love was trending and Compassion went viral?”  She inspired me to continue to use her hashtag, #LoveChangesPeople and also to think about it more in depth.  Love does change people.  Anger changes people.  Hard times and good times both change people.  Everything changes people.  Everything you say or do affects and changes the people around you.  Well, not changes them but causes them to either cover up who they are or reveal who they are.  We are always the same at the core of our being but the core of our being gets buried by the crap that we cling to and refuse to let go of because it’s all we’ve ever known and letting go would mean change and change is a scary thing since it’s venturing off into the unknown.  I’ve recently been reading a lot of Proverbs in the Bible and amazingly enough anything and everything you need to know about life and how to live it right is in Proverbs. Even Grace’s hashtag, #LoveChangesPeople, is there.

Proverbs 16:24

Kind words are like honey—sweet to the taste and good for your health.

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I’ll just move right into the next Proverbs I wanted to share.

Proverbs 18

Words Kill, Words Give Life

Loners who care only for themselves
    spit on the common good.

Fools care nothing for thoughtful discourse;
    all they do is run off at the mouth.

When wickedness arrives, shame’s not far behind;
    contempt for life is contemptible.

Many words rush along like rivers in flood,
    but deep wisdom flows up from artesian springs.

It’s not right to go easy on the guilty,
    or come down hard on the innocent.

The words of a fool start fights;
    do him a favor and gag him.

Fools are undone by their big mouths;
    their souls are crushed by their words.

Listening to gossip is like eating cheap candy;
    do you really want junk like that in your belly?

Slack habits and sloppy work
    are as bad as vandalism.

10 God’s name is a place of protection—
    good people can run there and be safe.

11 The rich think their wealth protects them;
    they imagine themselves safe behind it.

12 Pride first, then the crash,
    but humility is precursor to honor.

13 Answering before listening
    is both stupid and rude.

14 A healthy spirit conquers adversity,
    but what can you do when the spirit is crushed?

15 Wise men and women are always learning,
    always listening for fresh insights.

16 A gift gets attention;
    it buys the attention of eminent people.

17 The first speech in a court case is always convincing—
    until the cross-examination starts!

18 You may have to draw straws
    when faced with a tough decision.

19 Do a favor and win a friend forever;
    nothing can untie that bond.

20 Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach;
    good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest.

21 Words kill, words give life;
    they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.

22 Find a good spouse, you find a good life—
    and even more: the favor of God!

23 The poor speak in soft supplications;
    the rich bark out answers.

24 Friends come and friends go,
    but a true friend sticks by you like family.

Everything you say and do affects everyone around you.  People watch people.  It’s what we do.  Children watch people.  It’s how they learn.  Where ever you are and whatever you’re doing, you should always act as a good example for those around you to follow.  Do you smile when you watch another do a good deed?  I know I do.  It inspires me to do a good deed.  If you read everything I’ve written, then you may have read my idea about infecting the world with love.  If we can spread hate, then we most certainly can spread love.  That’s my purpose; to spread love.  That’s how I help others.  I’m becoming a very good warrior.  I have been able to maintain balance and focus.  I have been firm where I need to be firm and soft where I need to be soft.  I never yell and I get my point across.  One thing I do not tolerate these days is abuse or negativity.  I do not allow it in my home.  The people in my home are there to heal and they feel safe.  You cannot heal if you do not feel safe.

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Those who I have interacted with to help and have left my life already are on their paths.  They found the root of their pain and were able to yank it out and throw it away and get on the path to healing.  They are on the way to their faith, to meet God, to have their pains washed away by his Grace and to be given their purpose.  I talk with God on a regular basis now.  I argued a little with him yesterday.  I believe we have an understanding.  God isn’t what the majority make him out to be.   It cannot be explained.  You have to live it yourself to understand it.  It feels really good to be fulfilling my purpose.  I feel as if I’m finally doing what I’ve always been meant to do.  I am human.  I am not perfect.  My way is not the right way nor the wrong way.  It’s simply my way, the way I feel God has directed me to work.  His plans for everyone are not the same.  We are all different.  He created us.  He knows that more than anyone.  There are many right ways.  Enough for everyone to have their own.  We each just have to find ours.  Life isn’t supposed to be easy.  You’re supposed to suffer so you learn to appreciate life itself.  You have to go through the darkness to get to the light.

Find your path and fulfill your purpose.

All my Love,

Mel, Saved by God’s Grace.
2015-03-09 01.18.50-4

Categories: Adventure, Love | Tags: , , , , ,

Find Yourself, Don’t Change Yourself

Dont changeDo not change who you are; that is not how it works.
Who you are is who you have always been.
Who you are is who he fell in love with; he remembers You.

Somewhere along the way; you have forgotten You;
gone astray; gotten lost; been misplaced; been hidden;
buried yourself under the heap of rubbish you have not let go of.

You’ve focused on the ugly for so long that you’ve become blinded by it;
you’ve become unable to see all of the beauty in the midst of the tragedies.
You have not chosen to accept, embrace, and live all of life’s adventures.

Dig way down deep into your gut; beneath all the sorrow;
beneath all the pain; beneath all the tragedy;
beneath all that weighs heavily on your mind and on your heart.

Right there, underneath all the clutter, lies your core.
It is there; in the center of your core; that you will find You;
yourself; your true self; your beautiful beautiful soul.

That is who you are.  That is who you have always been.
You got sidetracked by the monsters whose purpose it is…
to keep you from the path which leads you to the light.

Now that you’ve found yourself, throw away all the rubbish;
Open your eyes and see the beauty where the rubbish once was;
the beauty that was hidden by the rubbish you were hoarding.

That is who You are.
Stop carrying the clutter with you through time.  Put it behind you and leave it there.
There is no need to change yourself.  
All you need to is to find yourself.

Forever with Love and Compassion,
Guided by His Grace,


Categories: Adventure, Love, Tragedy | Tags: , , , , ,

Which Way? — What is Unconditional Love Worth to You?

I see you are at a crossroads. This is the only first LOVE you get. Never will you have the opportunity which you have at this very moment again.

LOVE is not easy. To keep LOVE alive, you must work hard at it. If it were easy, everyone would have it; no one would appreciate it; no one would treasure it. Whether you choose to work at it and embrace it or throw it away because of a pebble in your path is up to you. While you make your decision, you need to know this:

You know that LOVE she has for you? That is the kind of LOVE you don’t want to lose. She will stick with you through thick and thin no matter what. She would sacrifice the moon for you. That LOVE is rare and hard to come by.  You will never find another LOVE like that, so think long and hard before you throw it all away.

Yet, perhaps she is better off without you holding her back. She will never LOVE another the way she LOVES you. Even if she would be better off without you holding her back, she will sacrifice all that she could be just to keep LOVING you.

This is your life. You are in control of it. You decide if it is worth it or not to see where your adventure with your first LOVE goes on the challenging narrow path or to take the wide and easy road.  I can tell you it is worth it to her.

What is that worth to you? To have somebody LOVE you so unconditionally that they will sacrifice everything for you?

True and unconditional love.

The Narrow and Wide Gates
13“Enter through the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is broad that leads to destruction, and there are many who enter through it. 14“For the gate is small and the way is narrow that leads to life, and there are few who find it. ~Matthew 7

Do you think LOVE should be easy? If you throw this LOVE away over a pebble, you will always throw LOVE away over a pebble. There are many pebbles on the path of all that’s right and just. You gotta go through the darkness to get to the light.


Forever growing in His Grace,



11020996_10203457951669767_7954881160094168544_n Unconditional Love blendpic_2015225112223272 1597278_742054015812678_533506465_a

Categories: Adventure, Life, Love | Tags: , , , ,

Every Single Little Broken Piece of Me

Screenshot_2015-03-25-13-03-24-1You want someone to feel
the pain that you feel;
to feel how deep it hurts;
to know how unbearable it is;
how shattered you have
become because of it all,
yet still capable of sharing
unlimited love in spite of it all.

You know you’re broken.
You know how broken you are.
You’re content with being broken.
You’ve accepted yourself
in all of your brokenness.
You don’t want to be fixed.
You want to be seen.
You want to be loved.

You want to see that you’re seen
and feel that you’re loved,
all the way deep,
down to your core,
to the very center of your existence.

You need to see that you’re seen
and feel that you’re loved
for who you are,
as you are now.

Every Single Little
Broken Piece of You.

Categories: Love | Tags: , , , , ,

My Sunshine


imagesZYURDE1NimagesIPO6LPRAI know you don’t believe me when I say that I SEE you, but I do.  I’d love to sit and chat the way we used to.  I am not blind to your pain, you show it to me everyday.  I can see it in your eyes and when I do, I feel it too.  Your smile doesn’t hide it anymore.  I have tried everything I know how to do.  I haven’t had much guidance in the area of motherhood but I do know unconditional love.  Nothing is as I had planned.  In my mind, you were to have a beautiful life, a loving father, a close bond with your siblings, lots of family around you and the most magical holidays you could ever dream of.  It started out that way.  Then everything went wrong.  I am sorry that things were not what they were meant to be.  You deserve so much more.  I cannot change the past but we can change the future.  I need to know that you are OK.  I need to know if I need to come find you.


untitledUnconditional LoveYou know how I am and you know if I don’t hear from you soon, I will start looking for you.  Even just a FB message that says “I’m OK” from you will do.  I’ll start putting slideshows up of you as a baby.  Or perhaps, of your birth. No, I wouldn’t do that.  That was a joke to make you go, “EWE”..  I made you a video.  I love you Sunshine.  You are my heart.  When you hurt, I hurt.  When you are happy, I am happy.  Remember your dreams.  Follow your dreams.  I know you can do it.  Please call me soon.

All of my love, unconditionally, forever and ever,


PS. I will take you video down if you call me and ask me to.  I won’t even argue over it. ❤

I wrote you a letter the other day. I was saving it, but I will share it with you now.  It is here.

Categories: Love | Tags: , , ,