Posts Tagged With: Falsehoods

Finding Mel Again

First, a note that I have just written as a response on a friend’s FB page.

While Fairy Tales are cool and all that; it needs to be made clear that they are only fairy tales and things like that don’t happen in real life.  Keep it real with your kids so they can handle reality when it hits them upside the sides of their heads, blindsides them and sends them spinning like a tornado in the midst of disaster.
I’ve learned that the majority of people prefer not to hear about the ugly truths that are our reality. They prefer fairy tales and happy endings.
Unfortunately, fairy tales and happy endings exist only in books and the imagination. Is it any wonder why some have such difficulty dealing with tragedy when we are raised listening to how maids turn into princesses and are saved by their Prince Charming?
We look for our Prince, the perfect guy that is there to rescue us from all the ugly guys. The villains are always dark and unattractive while the Prince is always handsome and wealthy.
Little do we know, it is the handsome, wealthy, perfect guy who says all the right things at all the right times that we must avoid. No one sees how the Prince is after the sun goes down and he has the darkness to hide his deeds under.
But what kind of fairy tale does the truth make? Who wants to date the ugly guy anyway. People will stare at you and make fun of you.
Well, it’s better to be mocked by the blissfully ignorant masses than it is to be a victim of the great pretender.

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I am not who I was two years ago.  I couldn’t even tell you who I was two years ago.  I thought I knew me, but in the midst of tragedy, I lost who I was and became who I really am.  I have learned more about myself through recent tragedy than any other event in my lifetime.  I know things about the world that I never knew before that makes everything look so different now than it did before the tornado struck my family.


OK – More thoughts – bear with me.  Things have been crazy, wild, and weird this year.  Another comment.


[I have to xxxxxx a lot out right here xxxxxx.  I should’ve posted this the day I wrote it. xxxxxxxx.]
So tired of this. A year and a half – longer – 1 3/4 years – He’s been at it. You know I fear nothing now. I believe I’ve lost my sanity, or at least half of it.  More likely that I’ve woken up into the real reality that the majority are still sleeping through.  Either way,  I’m still finding me.


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I haven’t written about my one daughter as of yet. It still hurts to much and even more so now. There is both good and bad happening daily. I suppose as long as it balances out, I will continue to survive it. After all, I’ve remained standing this long.


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I am glad for those who continue to speak out on suicide. All of my children and myself have suicidal tendencies. I could never – I would just lay in bed forever and hope it would happen but the children always interrupt me and I have to get up. My children on the other other hand; I never witnessed what they experienced and I could not imagine how they managed to find ways of surviving; but I see the after effects and they aren’t pretty or poetic or fluffy. I can relate to the breaking of one’s own heart. I do it on a daily basis no matter how hard I try not to. It seems the harder I try not to, the more defined the cracks become.


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It’s difficult to smile when one of your children are not. I feel guilty being happy and it’s hard to be happy when not all the children are happy. I hurt over that. I blame me. Sometimes, the children blame me too. BUT! In the good news, there is my eldest who just recently went on a vacation – jailhouse style. He begged me to bail him out. I told him, not this time son. This time, you will stay put. Don’t call me. Don’t write me. Don’t ask me for money. When you get out, you are not welcome in my home. The day you decide to be sober and stay sober and get help to face your demons is the day you can come home.

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He’s my first born. It hurt to say those words to him and hurt more to write them in a letter and mail them to him. Knowing his suicidal thoughts and not wanting to make him feel disposed of. Fearing the outcome of what I had just done yet knowing it was the only action I could take as I cannot travel his path for him.


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My son called me collect today and I took the call. He’s seen a psychiatrist. He’s on medication. He thanked me for leaving him there and told me not to bail him out yet because he wants to spend more time staying sober because right now he would go back to using. The relief his words brought me today – the knowing that I am not going to find him dead when I go check on him – either from an overdose or the hands of another or his own hands. My son is finally growing up.  Drugs mask pain.  Sobriety lets it flow out.  The memories are painful.  But he’s ready to face them head on and release them into the past where they belong and I thank God for that.


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It is time to find me or redefine me or whatever you wish to call it when the moment hits you that you have no idea who you are and you decide to find yourself.  The only place I know to look is inside of myself.  First, I need to clear out the junk that I’m buried under.  That should lighten the load quite a bit and make it easier to walk my path.  The distractions catch me every time and I don’t need to keep dragging them around with me anyway.  I’ve found that writing the junk out of me, keeps it from coming back and it soon disappears into the archives of my blogs.  Put the past where it belongs:  in the archives.


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Off I go to find me.  Sometimes, a little me time is in order so be sure to take some for yourself as well.

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Categories: Adventure | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Your False Rumors and Gossips are Killing my Children.

SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE 

Please take a moment to read a few articles on one of my favorite WordPress sites, Uncommon Graces.  Then share our message that #LoveChangesPeople .  Love is unconditional. We all need it and we all deserve it.  Without it, we all fall down.


In January 2013, when John came and asked me for another chance to make our marriage work, I was very hesitant. I had already come accustomed to the way things were.  I had a routine. The children and I had a great relationship.  We had long talks.  We put puzzles together. I’d get home from work, clean up the house, make dinner, and enjoy spending time with the children I had left after hurricane John hit us.  My bills were all paid on time every month.  I paid off all my loans.  I bought my very first brand new washer and dryer set, fancy ones at that and paid them off.  It was the greatest feeling and I was free to live.  I was seeing somebody who was non-abusive, worked hard, and had his priorities in order.  He also understood that my children always come first and never did he try to change that.  Like a fool, in the name of what’s considered proper by the general public, I gave him that second chance.  He made promises to change his priorities, give up being a drug dealer, become properly employed, and help me with all the family responsibilities.  I didn’t believe him, but I wanted to.  I told the person I was seeing that I was going to try to make the marriage work.  I don’t know how he convinced the children to accept him back home, but he pulled it off.  He talks his way into and out of everything yet when he talks, he never really says anything.  He simply says one thing a dozen time in a dozen different ways.  The texts between John and the children continue to bother me.  They don’t read like conversations between a father and his child.  They turn my stomach and make me want to vomit.



I’m not used to family members keeping secrets from other family members.  My daughter had been adamant before about him not moving with us when we left Golden Acres in August 2012 but when I asked how she felt about him coming back into our lives, she approved and with her approval the decision was made.  I had no idea what I would learn a year and a half later about the true nature of the relationship between John and the children.  She wanted to see me happy and thought that’s what I wanted.

If only I had known then what I know now

By mid-year, he hadn’t kept not one promise.  The house was in disarray.  The bills were unpaid.  He was spending a lot of money at the bar.  He continued being a drug dealer.  He never even looked for legal employment.  His priorities were not the family members nor the family responsibilities.  His number one priority continued to be himself and his weed.  I was not happy.  No one was happy.  Then I saw the texts between John and Tiffany.  Then I knew.

Here is a short preview of that conversation I read.  I will be posting the completed video this evening.

Still, trying to hold on to the tiniest piece of hope, I tried to look past those text messages and everything else, for the sake of “children need both parents in the home to be properly raised” and “God is against divorce, for better or for worse, make it work, stick it out”.  Bullshit.  No one should ever be that unhappy.  I decided it was over and I decided to wait until after Christmas to tell him.  I had an out of town guest, so I waited until after she went home.  On January 6, 2014, I told him it wasn’t working out.  We tried but I wasn’t happy and everything was wrong.  He said he was happy, but I don’t believe he was.  I think he just wanted to keep certain people close by to ensure they continue to keep their mouths shut.  We were sleeping in separate bedrooms by then.  He became very angry when I told him it was over and that I had been unhappy.  He failed to do his duties as a father and a husband and a man.  He remained selfish and continued to endanger the family.

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2015-01-13 03.08.10A week or two later, he moved out.  I had no idea what I was about to get hit with.  I had no idea he had already been badmouthing me to my children and everyone else he came into contact with.  I had no idea he had been threatening and bullying the children to keep their mouths shut about what he had done to them and to me for so many years.  I had no idea he was getting ready to launch the nastiest, dirtiest smear campaign against me and that his lies would spread so fast and so far that no one even knew where they originated from and eventually, everyone believed it all.  Only once has anyone contacted me to ask me if there was any truth to the rumors or truth in what John was telling others.  They simply believed all his lies, no questions asked.

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The Mirror Syndrome

I am his mirror. What he says about me is him self-projecting onto me. He is the crazy drug addict pissed off because I left him and he can’t get over me.

Now everyone believes I’m some drug-addicted, psycho-lunatic who’s pissed off at my ex-husband for leaving me and unable to get over him.  It’s even going through the schools.  It’s all over the High School.  My children hear about it on a regular basis.  I am hearing about it, too.  The hardest part, or at least one of the hardest parts, is that some of those people and I have known each other for a very long time and they should know better.  At least now I know who all the fake people are.  Those are the type of people that will stab you in the back in a heartbeat without ever having a second thought.  Trust no one unless they have stood by you on your death bed.  Only one or two people you know would do that and it doesn’t matter if you know 100 people or 1,000 people.  There are only a couple out of the entire bunch that are your true friends.  And to you, who wrote those lies to me I’ve displayed beneath this paragraph, if you wanted to keep the drama out of your life, then you should not have posted that nasty drama-filled bullshit comment to me about your mother on your Facebook wall.  It’s none of your business who my friends are and it’s none of your business who I help.  I see you are repeating his lies.  You are a gossiper and you spread lies and lies destroy lives.  You spread lies about your own mother.  Not everything everyone tells you is true.  You couldn’t even address the questions I asked you about your generalized statement badmouthing your mother.  You know why?  Because Liars and Abusers are vague in their stories so if they get called out, they can rearrange them and tell you that you misunderstood.  You figure out who the Liar and Abuser is.  Just read the signs.  Who smears your mother the most?  Not all abuse is physical, little girl.  I suggest you do some truth-seeking and stop believing everything you hear without question.  God gave you a brain for a reason.images (2)

jos is a bitch

I believe it is in the middle school and my younger son is being affected by it all.  Of course, I get all the blame for that because I write my story and not cover it up.  I’m the town pariah, the town joke, my children’s embarrassment, evidently.  That’s the perspective their words leave me with.  That’s OK.  Anyone that I find spreading lies and can document it will eventually end up called out on their bullshit right here in my blogs.  I am allowed to write my story.  If you don’t want a part in my story, then I suggest you keep my name out of your mouth and stay away from my children.  John’s damages to the family are enormous and continue to grow.  There’s no way to stop it.  To make it worse, people like the girl up there, people I’ve known since they were little children, are spreadingThose with an evil heart the rumors as well.  It took me seven months to find a therapist who was capable of counseling us in our situation but by the time I found one, it appeared to be too late.  Not one day goes by which I am not reminded me that John beat my boys, raped my girls, manipulated my mind, used and abused and destroyed the family from the inside out. That is John’s doing.

I know it is easier to hurt everyone and push them away so you don’t get hurt again than it is to deal with the pain and suffering of the past to put it behind you.  You’ll never move forward into true happiness until you take the difficult path.  The path of all that’s right and just is the most difficult path to follow.  It is also the most rewarding path.  When you reach the end of that portion of your adventure through life, all your sorrows will be washed away, you’ll be saved by His Grace, you’ll receive the most valuable of treasures that no money can buy and you’ll know what your purpose in life is.

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669f0174c30744373a03ea659ae198b5I hate this town.  I hate the people in this town.  I hate everything about this place.  No one ever stops to question anything they hear.  They believe it and then they spread it around, embellish it, and not once do they consider the effects of their actions or how much pain they are causing others – how much harm and damage they are doing with their gossip.  They just love the gossip and the drama.  They mock the ones they hurt.  They don’t care what happens to those they spread lies about and they don’t care if children are involved and getting hurt as well.

424102_347545188613380_237871249580775_1157938_638776903_nI want to thank all of you assholes in Sierra Vista for spreading your gossip and killing families and lives one rumor at a time.  Thank you for your ignorance, your love for drama, and your ability to believe anything you hear without question and passing judgment based on rumors, without hearing both sides of the story and without any evidence on people you have never met before in your entire life.  How sad your lives must be that you get off on ruining the lives of others.  I don’t even know why I continue to live anymore.  I see no point in continuing to fight the rumors.  They are bigger than me and I am all alone in the battle.  There are hundreds of you spreading the lies and only me trying to dispel them.  You’re hurting my children and you’re hurting me and not 446a476ce7cad43dbf3a402e4314b7fcone of you give a shit.  I have boxes upon boxes of evidence to support my statments while he has none, but none of you have even questioned his claims.  You don’t care.  You don’t want the truth.  The lies are so much easier to digest.



I am done.  I am so done.  I can’t do this anymore.

I am a warrior! I cannot quit. These are my children, your children, his children, her children, our children….I am not done yet!

BECAUSE IT SHOULD NOT TAKE 7 MONTHS TO FIND A THERAPIST TO HELP YOU ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY AFTER YEARS OF TRAUMATIC ABUSES, WE BRING TO YOU HEALING HANDS OF ARIZONA!

#KidsMatterOK

To answer the questions and/or address the rumors:

No, I am not a psycho lunatic.  I have seen a therapist and am still seeing a therapist.  I am perfectly sane.  I only appear to be insane due to the tremendous amount of stress and worry and learning all about the sexual abuses and that John lied about everything.  Forgive me for the continuous state of shock and anger as I learn more and more about who he really is and what he has done.  How sane would you look after learning such things happened in your life?

No, I am not a drug addict.  Yes, I have lost weight. I am ill. You would not know because you have not asked.  I will be better some day.  I have never failed a drug test, not even a hair strand test.  I’ve been reported multiple times to police and CPS over the past year and been cleared of the drug-use accusations every single time.  I have the test results from both the hair strand and urine tests.  I have even had police show up to my house just after returning home from picking my son up from school a few weeks back.  They gave me a sobriety test and checked me for being under the influence of any other substances.  I was reported to have been DUI by an anonymous caller that day at the exact time I was to be at the school picking my son up.  As always, I was clean and sober.  I have the police report and test results from that day.

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No, I am not mad that he left me.  He didn’t even leave me.  I ended the marriage.  I left him.  No, I do not want him back.  No, I am not having trouble letting go or getting over him.  I let go and got over him the second time he caused out children to be removed from our home by Child Protective Services.  He isn’t even who he pretended to be when we met or during our marriage.

No, I am not using my son against him nor am I saying any of the things I am saying to “get what I want from him”.  He has nothing that I want.  I keep my son away from him to keep my son safe from John’s lying and abusive ways.  I cannot allow my youngest child near himknowing what he is and what he has done.  I know not a single one of you would ever leave your child with a man you knew lost all of his children and had his rights severed severed for neglect, child abuse and molestation; was a drug addict and a drug dealer; you knew for a fact the foregoing was true; and it was also found and ruled true by the courts as well as substantiated by Child Protected Services. If it is highlighted, it is documented in one or more of my children’s records.

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I am pissed off because he lied throughout our entire marriage.  I am pissed off because he abused all of my children, mentally, physically, emotionally, verbally and sexually.  I am pissed off because he demolished my family and laughs at the devastation he left behind.  I am pissed off because I fell for all his lies.  I am pissed off because I was used and emotionally abused and manipulated for fourteen years.  I am pissed off because all the assholes in this town don’t even look at the facts or the other side of the story before passing judgment.  I am pissed off because all of your defamatory ways are continuing to cause my children harm and preventing them from healing and putting this behind us.  I am pissed off because none of you have the common decency to come directly to me and ask me about what you heard before you continue spreading it.  I am pissed off because the Detective heading up the investigation keeps getting pulled away for other investigations.  I am pissed off because even though there is a protective order against John, he continues to harass us, file false reports against me, try to get me fired, try to get me arrested and try to get CPS to remove my son from my custody.  They would never place my son with him.  My son would have to go to a group home and hope for a foster family.  I am pissed off because all of you fools don’t even consider the consequences of your actions.

I am pissed up because he is terrorizing my son through his CPS reporting actions as well as causing him to be suicidal through his harassment of me.  He was very disturbed after reading the things John and his buddies write about me on Facebook.  He knows none of it is true, was very upset with the threats and wants his father to stop with all the lies and attacks.  It is causing him to be depressed and want to die. He knows his father is attacking me to try to force me to send him to live with his father.  He believes that if he was not alive that his father would stop attacking me.  He has considered suicide to protect me from his father.  I tried my best to shield him from the ugliness but John made that impossible by lying to him and making him mad at me, making me show him that his father was lying.  Afterwards, his father unblocked and refriended him on Facebook where saw all the things his father is saying about his mother and doing to his mother and planning to do to his mother.  I took him straight to therapy.  I asked Wes, the best friend I am accused of cheating on John with, to tell John to stop posting all the garbage before image_thumb.pngmy son ends up seeing it.  Wes ignored me. He doesn’t give a shit about the children either. Of course he wouldn’t and I never should have expected him to have any kind of decency considering he allows John to lie and tell people he and I were having sex when John and I were together.  I asked Sherri to ask John to remove it. She ignored me. Now I learn that she used me. She’s not the victim she made herself out to be. She is the narcissist. I became suspicious after she and I discussed everything and after seeing all the evidence, knowing John molested the girls, knowing who and what he is, she continues to support him. Maybe it’s because of the night she spent with him having drunk sex all night and she doesn’t want Lars, her boyfriend to find out. Either way, I screwed up by helping her shut her CPS case and now I have to fix my screw-up. I already know what I need to do and I have everything I need to do it with.

228fc3d53fb166d8add0d8d0dbdbd45eSay what you will about me, but know that you are no better than anyone else and know that what you are doing when you continue to spread your bullshit is causing irreparable damage to innocent children who have already been through hell and you are killing them.  I am pissed.  I have not made enough noise.  I have not been loud enough.  It’s time to get much, much louder!

Good day.

LET’S GET LOUD.  #iOWNmyVOICEuseYOURS  You know, the message I’m sending is about how your words can hurt people.  Just recently, a group of friends I have, lost somebody to suicide.  It happened to be the same day I learned about the effects all of my ex’s words and those helping him spread them, is having on my youngest child.  I have three suicidal children due to the emotional and physical abuses they have suffered from John, their step-father/father.  You people need to wake the fuck up and I am going to keep getting louder and louder until you do.  I am only one person.  It is me against the world.  But perhaps, I am not only one person.  All it takes is one person to spread a disease to an entire town.  The disease I choose to spread is love.  #LoveChangesPeople

Categories: Child Sexual Abuse, Falsehoods, Fraud, Narcissistic Sociopath, Parenthood, Tragedy | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

How I Met God

lean-not-own-unders-pr-3_5The Lord has set a path for each and every one of us to get to him through the light. The evil-doers cannot enter the light and we must distance ourselves from the evil-doers or we will never make it to our destination. The evil-doers serve to distract us from our paths and keep us in the dark. We must not allow ourselves to be distracted and veer off path if we ever want to reach the end. Those who claim to know God yet use God’s words to cause his children pain, do not know God. Those who claim to know what path God wants another to take, do not know God. Only you can know what path you are to be on and only I know what path I am to be on.

I know God. I met him. I spoke to him. He sent me a guide who lights the path that I must travel to reach the place where my faith dwells – the place that is so bright that the shadows cannot exist in, the place the monsters cannot go to for the monsters cannot dwell in the light, they can only dwell in the shadows. I did not know God before my journey. I continued to deny God during my journey.

Matthew 5:11-12 "Happy are you when people insult you and persecute you and tell all kinds of evil lies against you because you are my followers.  Be happy and glad, for a great reward is kept for you in heaven.  This is how the prophets who lived before you were persecuted."

I began to feel God and then wonder if it was him that kept pulling me up out of the darkness every time I tripped and fell. At the end of that journey, was the light and my faith and God. I thought he had left me long ago, but he never did. He was always with me even when I denied him. I crawled through the depths of hell along the path of all that’s right and just towards an unknown destination. I wondered why the road was so hard and why I was alone on it. I fell and got lost and my guide lit the path and I got up and continued on my way. This is stupid, I kept thinking. Maybe I have gone crazy, I told myself. This journey is too hard and it hurts too much and I don’t think I can make it. People turned their backs on me. People laughed at me and degraded me and kicked me back down each time I got up. I saw no purpose in the journey but I wanted to get away from the pain and I wasn’t allowed to give up. I survived.

I am out of the darkness and dwelling in the light and my heart is filled with the love of God. I know God. I know the purpose of my journey. I know why I had to endure so much. God has a plan for me and I had to experience those things to carry out His wishes. I am to help others escape similar situations and get to the light so the darkness doesn’t take them. Had I not lived through it, I would not have the understanding to help others through it. He trusted in me and knew I was strong enough to make it, even though I denied Him. How amazing is that?!

It matters not that you believe or disbelieve me. I know God. He believes in me and I Him. That is what matters. I hope you find your path.

God says that if you can stick to the path, at the end of the journey, you will be rewarded with treasures beyond comparison. He does not lie. The treasures I have gained throughout my journey cannot be purchased, they are greater than anything money can buy, they are irreplaceable and no man can ever take from me that which God has rewarded me with as long as I stay on my path. God says I am not to be distracted by you – don’t be dismayed – don’t be discouraged – they know not which of they speak – they know not your journey. Thank you Lord for not ever giving up on me and thank you for delivering me from the darkness and thank you for the words I needed to write this.

~Mel, Saved by God’s Grace

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Categories: Friendship, Love, Saved by Grace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Truth Seeking

images (6)My search for the truth is a never ending mission.

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Never did I imagine
being buried in his lies.
because everything he said was bull

I am still training myself
to remember that his
words are always lies;

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a self-projection of himself
onto others at times and an
occasional deception to
work his way back in my life.

IMG_20141204_092019Not all truths are pretty and easy
to hear nor are they easy to accept.
I have uncovered some truths that
I want to refuse to accept as truth, as
they are very disturbing to me.  I am
beginning to wonder if some truths
are better left uncovered.

60c6213ec3e95ec7c4fa04e27d630591Delving into the past can bring
back painful memories, happy
memories, and make one dream
about what could have been.
It can be depressing to see what
was and how it was lost.
Such is life, I suppose.

♥♥♥ I have a very special message coming out tomorrow.  It is already written and will automatically publish when the clock rolls over into the next day.  I dare not look at it else I will try to edit it and then it won’t be finished anymore and not be published on time.  It has to be up tomorrow.  So I will leave it alone. ♥♥♥

I continue to be amazed in my relationship with Brian.  I feel myself having insecure moments wpid-wp-1419136738860.jpegfrom time to time.  This is a relationship unlike any other I have had before.  I am still learning that it is different.  It is non-abusive.  It is loving and although I know I can trust him, I still have reservations with showing him my inner being.  When I do open up for a short amount of time, I feel myself becoming anxious and want to cry.  I want to cry not because he’s hurt me in any way, but because every time I open up, I fear that is when he 627a32759f167be8ac906c45c676bb6cwill change and break my heart.  I anticipate the heartbreak.  That is how I know I am so deeply in love with him that I never want to lose him.  I try very hard not to compare him with my ex’s or this relationship with past relationships.  It is difficult not to do so.

I still struggle with leaving the horrors of 2014 back in 2014.  I am doing better today than I was yesterday.  That is progress.  Progress is good.  My oldest is still safe, clean, and sober.  If only you knew how relieving that is for me.  My biggest fear was going to check on him and finding him deceased.  That would kill me.  It would be more devastation than I could handle at this point.  After Angel, after the 12 years of a fraudulent marriage, 14 years of listening to nothing but lies, being mentally, emotionally, and verbally abused and put in a state where I was doubting my own sanity, learning the horrors of my daughter’s childhood, my other children’s childhoods, and the non-stop smear campaign I have been subjected to, there is just no way I could survive such a thing. tumblr_m8mvyaFOmK1qa6psxo1_500Thank you, God, for answering my prayers and helping me with him when no one else would and thank you, Paul, for taking my prayers to be heard.  I will never forget that day.  You saved me that day.  I didn’t want anyone else to see me hand you the envelope.  Which reminds me……

More-Grace

Ttruth-seeks-lightI get it now.  I understand.  I know what God’s Grace is.  I know what prayer is for.  I understand His message.  I have seen it.  I have felt it. I have been saved by it.  I have found my Faith and I have been saved by God’s Grace.  At the very moment when it happened, tears began streaming down my face.  It happened that day I accompanied the three of you to Shiloh.  My anger and sorrow and pain all being washed away with each teardrop that fell and replaced with love and faith and hope.  He washed away my troubles through my tears and made me whole again.  7e0de55973ee3c11018bcfa1dee9e9c1I still have tears falling and washing away the pain.  It’s not continuous, but it is daily.  So many years I did not cry.  I did not let anything out.  I did not let anything show.  So much had built up inside me that I could fill an empty river.  He brought me out of the darkness and into the light, where I am safe and can no longer be harmed by the monsters.  That’s what he is.  A monster behind a mask.  The monsters cannot live in the light of the Lord.  For years, I denied him.  For years, I cursed him.  For years, I hated him.  He let so much hurt happen to me that there was just no way he could be real and if he were, then he is so cruel and demented that he had to be the devil in disguise.

salvation21Not once did He ever leave my side, not when I turned my back on him, not when I cursed Him, not when I denied Him, not when I yelled at Him, not when I took His name in vain, not when I attacked believers, not when I degraded His name, His Son, and His words, not once did He abandon me.  He has always been with me, waiting for the day I finally turned to him for mercy.  He knew I would even though I swore it could never happen.

That john15_18-20day I wrote my prayer request down on paper and handed it to you, it was not for me, it was for my children.  He heard me and through you, He guided me down the path of all that’s right and just, my path, the one I had to travel, the path that led me to my faith, to Him, and to be saved by God’s Grace.  I was mocked, attacked, degraded, insulted, and defamed in the monster’s attempts to destroy me.  He had an army ofgrace-300x225 minions using lies to assault me and I had myself, armed only with the truth and no army.  I still prevailed.  I fell many times, got knocked down time and time again, got lost, gave in to distractions, gave in to temptations, and almost gave up near the end, but each time I veered off into the wrong direction, that little light appeared and I got back up and back on my path and kept on going.  Just me against the world, determined to reveal the truth.

imagesI did it all on my own – I shouldn’t say all, as I had His guidance through you, but I went against all odds and with almost everyone either against me or neutral, and I still prevailed.  No one wants to be on the side of the lone warrior in battle.  It’s a for sure loss.  Yet, here I stand, victorious.  Reminds me of David and Goliath, but before I digress…He washed away my pain and rewarded me with the most precious gifts.  The rewards for making it to the end of my path to Grace are greater than anyone could ever know or understand unless they have walked the path and reached the end to be saved as I was, by God’s Grace.  Paul, you have done so much for me, yet you are humble and keep saying you didn’t do much each time I try to tell you.  I wanted to write it all out so you could see for yourself the impact you have had on my life and how you led me to my Faith.  Thank you so much.  You have my appreciation and adoration.

Stay StrongWhat greater reward is there than having your faith restored, all the anger, pain and hate washed out of you and replaced by love, and to be saved by God’s Grace?  I say saved because that’s how I feel.  I was saved from the darkness, from the monsters, from the pain and now I stand in the light where I am safe and nothing can hurt me here.  As for the Trials and Tribulations I was forced to face, I had to face them to understand them.  God has plans for me.  I am to guide others through similar trials and tribulations.  How could I do that if I had not faced them and overcome them myself?  God gathers warriors to send out and help those lost find their paths to the light.  He wants all his children in the light where they are safe.

images (1)sola-gratiaThat’s my take on it anyway.  After all I have experienced, I can say that I am right and no one can tell me I don’t know God.  John, you can call me crazy.  I don’t mind anymore.  It’s ok.  I expect to be hearing about how I have gone completely batshit crazy by the end of the evening.  If it makes you fell good, go for it.  You cannot hurt me here.   You can’t come into the light.  To everyone, in all that I have suffered, was it worth it?  Absolutely.  Would I change parts of it?  Of course.  I know that I am not worthy of His Grace, yet I have received it.  How amazing is that?  Even more amazing is that I, of all people, am actually writing this.  Quotation-R-C-Sproul-justice-god-grace-mercy-Meetville-Quotes-156781When we are given such precious gifts that we do not deserve, we must recognize that we do not deserve them and we must appreciate them and hold them dear to our hearts.

May you find your path, see the light, and not fear traveling it alone.

~Mel Saved by Grace

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Categories: Falsehoods, Love, Saved by Grace | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Fake?

I think it is quite comical that only AFTER I expose you as a fraud – a liar – a fabricator (lol…pun not intended there) – one who pretends to be something they are not – the great pretender of a narcissistic sociopath that you are – NOW you decide to spread falsehoods that I am fake.  You slipped.  You’re losing it.  Narcs are a step ahead – always a step ahead but you slipped up.  You must not have been expecting that.  People are like mirrors to your kind.  You take the positive qualities of others and attribute them to yourself while at the same time attributing your negative qualities onto them.  The whole “she’s fake, I’m the only one that’s real in this entire mess” crap you are spewing is a perfect example of that.  Since day one, you have lied to me about everything.  You are not who you said your were.  Your education is not what you said it was.  Your occupation is not as you claimed it to be.  Your first marriage didn’t end the way you said it ended.  The people you said I had to stay away from because they were out to get me, only wanted to get to know me.  They had no ill feelings towards me.  My once close friend you said I should stop hanging out with because she was using me to get you, she wasn’t trying to take you from me.  From day one – you have manipulated everything using underhanded tactics, lies, rumors, and you did it so subtly, I didn’t even notice.

So, when did I realize you were that big of a fraud?  It may have been when I read the text messages between you and my daughter which revealed the full extent of the sick and twisted relationship you manufactured with her and that you never returned to reconcile with me;  you returned to try to reconcile with her.  You’re a disgustingly sick minded individual.  To think that is natural and healthy and there is nothing wrong with it one would have to be completely demented, warped and illogical.  But that wasn’t when I realized how big of a fraud you really are.  That moment came after reading your response to my motion to strike your request for reconsideration of the divorce decree.  More specifically, the child support.  When I filled out the worksheet for child support, I used the low end of the average income for a mechanic.  You attended Cochise College and took the mechanics course that placed you at the dealership where you acquired your ASE certification.  Your occupation is mechanic.  The instructions say to use the income of the party’s occupation if the party is willingly unemployed.  You quit your job at the RV repair place.  Quitting a job is becoming willingly unemployed.  You listed Cochise College under education on your Facebook page.  Your business cards specifically state ‘ASE Certified’.  I did the paperwork exactly how it was to be done.

You protested.  In your request, you told the Court that you were not a mechanic and had never been employed as a mechanic nor had any formal training as a mechanic.  I submitted documentation demonstrating that you had been worked in that capacity and claimed to have such training.  You replied that I had been misinformed or was padding your resume to get more money out of you.  I was confused.  Then, after a few phone calls, the confusion cleared up.  You were right about something.  I was misinformed.  I was misinformed by you.  You never attended Cochise College.  That was a lie.  You were never employed at the dealership.  That was a lie.  You never obtained your ASE certification.  That was a lie.  You never quit the job at the RV repair place.  You were fired.  I wondered what else you had lied about, so I dug further and the further I dug, the more lies came to light.  After sorting through all the lies, there was no truth to be found and it hit me.  Our entire life together, all 12-14 years of it, was a lie.  Nothing was real.  You never once told me the truth about anything.  I don’t know who you are but I know what you are.  You are a monster behind the mask that you wear, a sick, twisted, demented and ugly monster.

imageGo ahead and tell all the falsehoods about me that you wish to tell.  The intelligent people will see that it is I who worked, paid the bills, took care of the kids, and was the responsible adult.  They will see that you have contact with 0/6 of the children involved while I have contact with 6/6 of them.  Your friends have already witnessed you abuse your other friends and your children.  They hear the things you come up with about how the whole world is against you but they don’t see the things you tell them are going on.  They don’t see them because they don’t exist.  Your entire existence is a lie.  You are a fraud.  No one has heard a truth from you.  You can’t tell the truth.  You can’t accept who you are so you mirror others that you want to be like.  You claim to be so much better than everyone else.  You claim you are grown up and spew filth about how others, and I, need to grow up.  You say you need custody of our boy to raise him to be a real man.  Newsflash.  It takes an adult to raise a real man.  You’re not a real man.  You’re not a man at all.  You’re a boy – a sniveling, selfish, egotistical, tantrum throwing little boy who will do whatever it takes to get what he wants no matter who gets hurt along the way.  You wouldn’t now the first thing about raising a man.  You are no adult.  Adults are responsible.  They get educated, they work and they support their family.  They are honest, loving and caring.  They don’t force their daughters or other little girls to participate in sexual acts for their own sexual desires.  You don’t know how to be a real man.  You don’t know right from wrong.  You don’t care about anyone but yourself.  If you think for one minute that I would ever consider placing my child in your home so you can destroy his entire life and destroy him, you are sadly mistaken.  That will never happen.  Not even over my dead body.  You tell me to grow up?  Let me know when you have grown up and become a responsible and productive member of society and then you might be able to suggest I need to grow up.  Until then, stop preaching shit you know nothing about and couldn’t practice to save your own skin.

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During one of your temper tantrums earlier this year, you cried about how it’s not fair that I didn’t treat my first ex the way I was treating you.  You are correct.  I love him.  He loved me.  He was real.  He was a real man who got educated despite the unfortunate circumstances of his childhood.  He found work.  He worked hard and he supported his family.  He took care of us.  He is a grown-up.  Although he isn’t where he once was, he is still that man at the core of his being and he is still real. He is still honest.  He never once laid a hand on his children nor has he ever lied to me or anyone else.  He is better than you.  You are beneath everyone.

Adios.

Mel.

Mirroring is at the heart of how sociopaths hook us and why others think we were just like the sociopath while inside the toxic relationship.

Categories: Child Sexual Abuse, Falsehoods, Fraud, Narcissistic Sociopath, Parenthood | Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,